i mean technically this post is about an event

[i_jones]

This is something that I've joked about for a while, seriously considered for the past week or two, and repeatedly reconsidered over the past handful of days. I can no longer play Ianto. It's not because his voice isn't there - I am sure he will always be kicking around inside my head, making pithy comments - but over the past eleven months, there's been Life Event after Life Event that has prevented me from tagging regularly or being able to focus on RP. During that time, whatever intangible spark that kept Ianto alive went out. I refused to admit it and tried my hardest to keep going but it's gotten to the point where I no longer know what to do with him. I still have things I want him to do, but realistically I know they will never happen. It pains me to do so after all this time - I started playing him not long I turned 19 and now, just shy of my 26th birthday, I am throwing in the tea towel. This is very strange and sad for me because as a direct result of me deciding to play him, I met new people and made new friends. I dated some of those friends. One of those friends moved up from Arkansas and now we live together, and she is engaged to one of the other friends. Everything hugely formative about these past seven years of my life came from me playing Ianto. It is bittersweet for me to let go of him, like I am finally letting go of those growing pain years and acknowledging I am moving onto a different part of my life.

I apologize for being so sentimental. Very few of you have spent that long with me and this character, so it doesn't mean as much to you. It was more important for me to write this than it is that you read it.

This post is also about a little event. I can't return Ianto to his home. I mean, I could. I could ask the mods, and they would probably say yes. But I think Ianto has been through enough. He's been living on borrowed time. He made it to 30 years old, and I think that's all he really wanted to do. So he has to die. But he's going to die happy. Deliriously happy. He is going to be so happy that it kills him. Remember those sadness vampires I wanted to do? Yeah. I can't think of a better feeding ground for them than a funeral. Your character doesn't have to attend if you don't want them to - he didn't have many friends in Manhattan - but if they do, then they get to fight sadness vampires. I'm just saying. I'll be putting up a post relatively soon to kill Ianto off, and sometime after that someone??? will put up a post for the sadness vampire event. It will be a structured post, somewhat like this party back at my old game, with specific events occuring in top-level comments. The format is sort of hard to follow while reading it after the fact, but it worked in real-time. And it won't be that intense. That's just sort of an example of like, little satellite threads happening with smaller incidents, and then at some point everything comes to a head under a new top-level. It'll be like that.

I forget if there was more I was supposed to explain. I'm gonna be keeping Greg and I guess dropping Croach, I forgot I played Croach tbh. So I'm still gonna be here. Maybe I'll drop Greg and app someone entirely new? I DON'T KNOW. I'll figure it out. This is just the first step. So raise your hand if you want to find Ianto's corpse.

Comments

[culumacilinte]

Man, well, now you've made me sentimental. I've been pretty fucking faily at RP for the past... while, but allow me, while I'm being sentimental, to say that I am glad you played Ianto when and for as long as you did, because man, those were some good times.

... Also I'm kinda tempted to pull Crowley out for his funeral, even though they... never met. BECAUSE I WANT TO PAY TRIBUTE, or something, idk.

[i_jones]

I started reading your comment to Jazzy and then had to look away and yell DON'T LOOK AT ME IM CRYING IM TRASH and wipe my eyes. That's mostly what has made it so hard to make this decision. Those were good times. I just keep reminding myself that killing Ianto doesn't make them any less good.

I wanted a sadder icon

also I appreciate your icon

[culumacilinte]

IT'S OKAY WE'RE ALL TRASH.

They were. (And they happened at a fucking good time in my life, too. Or... not a good time, but, you know, an excellent one for finding a whole friend group and having lots of shenanigans with them). I definitely still go back and read many of those threads, and occasionally I have woe that they are not times that are happening anymore, but mostly not. Because yeah, we all move on in various ways, and that doesn't make the times any less awesome.

And the icon... felt appropriate. *snerk*

[fitz_fortune]

*appears as the ghost of rp past* *makes OOOoooOOoo sounds* *rattles chains*

I know the feel, man. That whole time was really formative in odd ways. I'm still clinging onto Fitz- though giving him up for RP was probably the hardest part. I can guarantee there will be a corner of your brain that's always gonna be reacting to things in Ianto's voice, whether or not you're playing him. After so long playing one character it's hard for that not to happen.

[i_jones]

Why would you do this, why would you make me feel these feelings with Fitz, I can't even finish writing this comment I need to go be sad and come back to this

[i_jones]

Being sad turned into painting kitchen cabinets and thinking about a suggestion Jazzy made, that Ianto should have a will. I thought instead he could record a 'if you're seeing this I'm 100% dead for real this time, dnr' message. Maybe a hologram or something. And I was hoping Fitz and Eight could be in it. I haven't heard back from Denise yet but would you be up for coming up with some dialogue for that?

[has_a_horn]

my fitz isn't on the tardis anymore- he's awkwardly teaching aliens how to human with Mike Yates in 1970s London XD

BUT! if that is not an obstacle, i'd love to have Fitz respond to a Thing (or we could put it back in time to tardis-times if Denise gets involved). Star Wars style hologram message or whatever you want it to be.

[theoldgirl]

I REFUSE

[whofrownedthisface]

but think of all the delicious FEELINGS

<--real actual sadness vampire

look at 12 enjoying some delicious eel things

[theoldgirl]

I DON'T LIKE THESE PARTICULAR FEELINGS

/TARDIS tantrum

[i_jones]

I'm so sorry not sorry.

[skelebro]

I'll be sad to see him go but I'm also learning that a lot of RP has to do with figuring out when it's the right time to let things go.

(i don't seem to be able to access the old brbg post as i arrived very late to the party and pretty much surpassed the whole ljrp thing whoops but i trust you and your formatting)

I look forward to sadness vampires. If you want one of my assholes to find his corpse and notify people, I'm always up for that. I think Rush was the one who knew him best...though Rush is also not really going to be out and about due to suffering from a minor case of stabbed-itis. whoops.

[lottawork]

and that was not the right journal. whoops.

WHATEVER THIS IS OLLIE

[i_jones]

Ugh for some reason after I open the post up it closes again. It's not important, it'll be explained when the post goes up. I will consider your assholes.

[singthesong]

Awwww, sorry to see him go! I'd be down for the Balladeer coming across his corpse too if you want, though I guess their acquaintanceship was pretty casual.

[i_jones]

Hmmmmm. He does seem more likely to be in Central Park (it will be in Central Park). HMMMMM.